Working at the Crossroads of this World and the Next
Archive for December, 2009
>Tiger Wood's Christian Ethic
3 years ago
>It’s lonely on top … I guess that’s why Tiger needed a harem of supposedly seven plus women (eight counting his wife) to keep him company. The dominate male of the sports pride, Tiger had his choice of mating partners both on and off the grasslands. On the course, as a golfer, he was the Charismatic megafauna – the clean cut, multiethnic poster boy of the golf world, who’s global appeal made him the first billionaire athlete ever (sorry Lebron). Off the course, well, nobody knew – he kept it incredibly private — until a yet mysterious demolition of his Caddy Escalade blazed through the news along with the speculation that Tiger (WARNING: awful pun approaching) was in fact a cheetah.
A smooth cat (yes, they keep coming), on the course, Tiger is on pace to not only be the greatest golfer to ever live, but possibly hold the ever debated title of greatest athlete ever. Yes, golfers are athletes. If you ever question their athleticism, you try hitting a small ball the distance of a football field and placing it within a couple yards of your intended target. Tiger’s focus, though, extended outside the course into the business field, where he – as evidence by the utter joy of his demise by sports commentator and business men alike – made great business moguls look like tabby cats (I can’t help it).
A preacher once told me that adultery is the worst problem to counsel. If the woman is the jilted one, and they usually are, they just sob and sob and sob so that the preacher, or counselor, just has to sit there and watch the awfulness of what is called “adultery.” I speculate, when this all came down, his wife, Elin, probably ruined her beautiful face with weeping so intense that capillaries burst, giving her the temporary, although rarely permanent, blotches of a jilted lover (have you ever seen that before?). She probably convulsed, had trouble breathing and maybe even vomited. Seven women have come forward and hinted at alleged affairs. That’s right, seven at last count. Tiger is an Ass.
As I’m taking a break from my homework, the news flashed on sportsline.com that Tiger is indefinitely leaving golf to try and repair his family. The blurb stated, “…he is aware of the disappointment that “my infidelity” has caused to his wife and children. He says he might not be able to repair the damage, but he wants to try.”
I wonder, if Tiger were a part of a Church how should they react? How would I react if Tiger were my friend? Well, I don’t know. But I must say, I’m somewhat morally challenged by Tiger Woods. We love putting people under us, especially when they’re supposedly better than us. “Oh,” we say, in reference to Tiger, “we might not be as rich, we might not be as talented, we might not have all the stuff he has, but” we console ourselves, “we certainly have better morals.”
Well, I don’t know that I do. Granted, I haven’t cheated. Nicki is my only … ever. Yet, hypothetically, if I were Tiger Woods and I have the ability to be the best ever in the revered sports world, I’m not sure that I wouldn’t just forget my family and pursue my dreams. Remember, Woods cheated, but he’s now laying down his job … that thing that gave him utter confidence … utter respect from his peers and utter dominance (the three things men most desire) for the relationships of his family. That’s epic. Biblical. And I don’t know that I’d do it. This is Tiger Woods, for now at least, choosing to be a tainted dad over the best athlete ever. If you’re Tiger Woods, why even try to do something that you’re obviously a failure at when you can easily do that thing that you dominate at? Why try? Epic … if he really tries and lays down his career … epic.
I’m not proposing a moral relativism. I’m not trying to say that what Tiger did wasn’t all that bad. It is awful. As I said before, he’s a bad puttee cat (I can’t stop). If you were invisible and you were there, watching as it hit Elin that Tiger cheated on her, you’d probably utterly hate him, and never want to hear his name again. But, don’t be blinded by that hatred, Tiger is (if the reports are true in the way they seem to be) doing a Jesus inspired thing. He’s laying down power and respect for love … which, in my opinion, is Jesus’ supreme ethic and one that few of us, including me, follow.
And I’m praying for him and Elin. Maybe Jesus will get a hold of that family. I hope so. Especially as we consider Christ’s birth, this would make a great story of Christ-like redemption.
The Lessons from the Tiger and the Bengal
The sports world is just so rich with colorful children’s stories. Why, in just this last year we’ve had epochs of moral integrity … enough epochs to develop a whole children’s book series … I think I’ll call the series: “Role Models.” Here are some of the titles I’m throwing around: “Killing Fido with Michael Vick”, “Getting Shot in the Head while Cheating on Your Mistress: The Lessons of Steve McNair”, “How to Cheat on the Field with Steroids and off the Field with a 45 year old Washed-up Diva: A Year with A-Rod”, “Big Ben’s Legal Boo-Boo”, “Putting Your Balls in the Wrong Holes: How to be a Player with Tiger Woods” and finally, “The Bengal Who Fell Off the Back End of Pick-Up Truck and Cracked His Head Wide Open: Stupidity as Defined by Chris Henry.”
Chris Henry is one of those people that make me thankful for evolution. In fact, I’m going to throw Henry’s name in the whole “Darwin’s Award” discussion for this year … maybe even this decade because if anybody deserves it, it’s got to be my man. I don’t want to take any Darwinian discussions away from the only living Neanderthal, Ron Artest, who in his blog to Tiger Woods, wrote about how he too often wants to have sex with multiple women, and therefore can’t really blame Tiger, but Ronnie remembers his wife and children and it keeps him clean … most of the time (for one of the best blogs ever, let me refer you to Ronnie’s blog to Tiger http://www.ronartest.com/blog/?p=74).
Seriously though, we can’t blame them … they are after all, the gods of our nation’s male demographic. We pay them steep tributes, we erect massive temples in their name, we give them our best women (Wilt Chamberlain boasted about sleeping with 15,000 women during his basketball career), we follow them with warrior like admiration (NOTE: tailgating), we stroke their Egos from the age of twelve and we allow them to do anything they damn well please, because, after all, they are gods.
Dwayne Walton and I were talking about starting a “Character Training School for the Gods.” A school that would use god-like stimuli to teach these guys that cheating is not nice, that killing dogs is bad, that using drugs is unhealthy, that investing millions of dollars in a time machine is probably unprofitable and that you should probably wear your seat-belt when you get in a car with your angered fiancee. Yet, I’m not sure if we could get the gods to attend the school … after all, they know more than we do and they play by a different set of rules ….
Well, except for Chris Henry. Poor guy, I guess the laws of gravity do apply to star football players. Oh, then there’s Tiger Woods, whose wife is about to leave him … I guess there are moral consequences in the heavens. And Steve McNair … yeah, I guess bullets through the head do kill the gods. And Mike Vick did go to jail. And it does seem like Big Ben has been distracted this year … his Steelers aren’t looking so hot. And A-Rod … apparently even the ever sweet Kate Hudson has left him, after Madonna left him, after his wife left him.
Maybe there are rules for the gods too. But, I’m afraid, one of the main reasons children admire these stud athletes, like the title of my book series suggests, is because these guys can get anything they want, have all the fame they want and can supposedly do anything they want and the kids buy into the lie. But, this year … this decade in sports has confirmed otherwise.
As these gods are proving, they aren’t really gods after all. Call me a bitter atheist, but I’m looking for some replacements.