Archive for December, 2010
Carlson Tucker (one of Fox News unbiased anchors) was filling in for Sean Hannity the other night, and he stated that he believes Mike Vick should be executed for his crimes.
Here are some thoughts as to how Vick could be executed:
1. We could send him out as a gladiator against 11 angry men and give those angry men a full hour to try to pummel Vick.
a. Could you imagine the publicity that would garner? I mean people would pay money to see that.
2. To make it even more exciting, we could give Vick a gladiator coach … you know, to prep him on how to handle the 11 angry men.
a. But, we could pick a coach that is rather bad at making adjustments during the one hour battle. Since Vick is really good at making adjustments (he must have a sports IQ that is off the charts), it would be a poetic death for Vick and his coach.
3. We could make a stipulation – just like the gladiators of old – that if he makes it through the gauntlet of death, he could win his freedom and we could give him some shared profits from all the money we make from these games … assuming, of course, he uses some of the gained freedom to champion the greatness of the Dog.
I don’t know, that sounds more entertaining than Carlson’s suggestion. Carlson was probably just thinking about electrocuting or drowning Vick … boring.
I mean, I wanted to see them cause I knew they were the best and I knew they were looking for the best and being that I can do crazy summersaults and I look awesome in leotards, I thought I might make a connection, get a lead and see if I could have a future in the circus. So, I came a little early before the show, slipped a fat Jackson to the security guard, and busted in on the Cirque crew with my leotard in its utter glory and my summersaults a-rippin.
They Simon Cowell’d me. But I kept my chin up, and instead of pouting out of my audition, I just put it all aside and enjoyed the show. Although, the leotard underneath my jeans kept riding up and so the full, utter enjoyment was slightly lost.
Here’s some of my thoughts:
1. There is some good coming out of Canada. And although Cirque de Soleil doesn’t quite atone for Justin Beiber, it comes pretty close.
2. Not all things that are in French are gay.
3. If you’ve never heard of Cirque de Soleil you’re probably a redneck or a vampire and you should definitely do a little research on YouTube.
4. Asian people are really physically flexible. In fact, if there was a sport that had jumps and splits and stuff, Asian people would probably win.
5. Cirque de Soleil producers/directors are spatial geniuses. The way they utilize their space is outside the circus ring (pun).
6. Having everything live – music, vocals – is extremely cool.
7. Finally, it was a sensory overload experience (SOE). The visuals, the stunts, the sounds and the smell (I’m not kidding) … it was like they took a page out of the Catholic Church’s funeral Mass. They filled the room with a perfume that I had never smelled and it was like fire on ice (which is good … I think). It was so strong that when I woke up this morning, our whole apartment smelled of Cirque de Soleil.
a. Which, by the way, is a great marketing piece. They (smart people is the “they”) say that smells can produce the greatest recollection of an experience. So the next time I smell whatever that scent was, I’ll probably remember the greatest thing out of Canada since Barack Obama.
In ecumenical discussions, there are three classifications for Christian beliefs: 1. Primary Doctrine, 2. Secondary Doctrine and 3.) Tertiary Doctrine. I’ve also seen the classifications as 1. Dogma, 2. Doctrine and 3. Opinion.
The idea behind this is that primary doctrine are those doctrines that are essential to Christianity (for example, Jesus is Lord); secondary doctrines are very important, but not essential (one’s view of sin) and Tertiary Doctrine is nonessential (Predestination). It’s been said that fundamentalist make everything into a Primary Doctrine (they fight over everything) and liberals of the extreme type don’t have any Primary Doctrine.
As you can imagine, there is little consensus among churchs as to WHAT is considered Primary Doctrine. For instance, is the Virgin Birth a Primary Doctrine? Is it essential to believe in the Virgin Birth to be a Christian? Is it essential to believe that Jesus is divine … in other words, are the Jehovah Witnesses “in”?
So the question is, “WHAT ARE YOUR PRIMARY DOCTRINES?” This is an open, welcoming blog … PLEASE COMMENT what you think!. Many thanks!!!