Monday Inquisition: Some Questions for You about Coupons
I was out with my good friends Phil and Luis on Saturday night and we saw Philip Dick’s “The Adjustment Bureau” with Matt Damon. Awesome movie, if you get geeked out by philosophical romances that dabble in open theism like I do. After the movie, we pit stopped at Harbor Freight Tools in Exton so Phil could get an item that they had on sale before heading over to get some sushi.
We get to the check out counter and low and behold, who’s in front of us but The Coupon Guy. You know this person … the one who scours the Sunday Paper looking for coupons like a 49er dug California during the gold rush. The guy who keeps a pair of scissors in his pants at all times in case he happens to run across a succulent piece of savings pon. And then, after they found some great deals … that promise to save them loads of $$$ … they go out and they buy stuff they never needed in the first place just so they can say they saved money.
This guy had about 25 random and unconnected items in his cart (it’s not like he was buying stuff to work on a project), and as he gets up to the counter, he reaches into his tight pant pocket and pulls out a month’s worth of folded and wrinkled coupons. Now, as if matching the coupon with the item isn’t hard enough, the poor cashier had to try to unwrinkle each coupon so he could scan the barcode.
At this point, my patience left me. I’m not a patient person to begin with (in fact, I probably have undiagnosed ADHD) and when it’s 8 p.m. and all I had eaten since lunch was Twizzlers, I’m even more impatient. But, what can you do? There’s only one check out line at 8 p.m. on a Saturday evening at Harbor Freight Tools and we had to wait our turn.
So, finally … and I kid you not … after about 15 minutes (it felt like 20) of pacing, looking at odd tools that I’ll never use because I’m not a handyman, I notice that the cashiers about done. And then, wouldn’t you believe it, the guy pulls out his check book.
For goodness sake my man, first off, don’t you realize that all that junk in your cart is costing you tons of money … I mean sure, you saved $50 off retail, but you probably don’t need but 2 or 3 of your 25 items that cost you a total of $150. Secondly, wrinkled coupons? Come on, man. And a check book? Actually, I’m surprised you have a bank account and don’t hide your money under the rock in your cave.
So, this leads me to some questions for you. Let’s make some distinctions: there’s like a scale of 1 to 10 for coupon users, with “1″ being “I hardly ever use them; “5″ being “I have a good relationship with coupons” and “10″ being one or two addiction steps higher than the “Coupon Guy” … “10″ is the type of guy who knocks at the door of the funeral home asking if we ever offer a two for one special.
The rules for answering the questions are as follows: you get three free passes if you don’t want to answer, but please … do answer one or more:
1.) On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you describe your relationship to coupons?
2.) If you have a normal relationship with coupons, how much on average would you say you save a week?
3.) Do you have any experience with “groupons”?
4.) Would you rather stand in line behind a Coupon Person or get stuck in traffic?