Hoping that Rob Bell Will Adopt My Dog on May 21st
Harold Camping has (again) predicted the rapture of us Christians. This time, he thinks — no, he’s absolutely sure — we’ll be raptured on May 21st. This is what he told NPR last week, “It is going to happen. There is no Plan B.”
So here are some concerns and questions I have:
Random Question #1: If Harold Camping’s right and Jesus returns on May 21st and I fly into the sky, where do I go? Do I fly all the way to heaven? How long does it take to get there and what happens if I get hungry or have to pee? And how can I breath in space?
Random Question That’s Already Been Answerd #2: I used to wonder what would happen to my poor little dog, Yogi after May 21st. Most of my friends are Christians, so they’ll be flying to heaven with me and couldn’t take care of my dog.
I do have some friends that I’m not too sure if they’re believers, but thought it might be wrong for me to be like, “Hey, (insert name of possible unbelieving friend), I might be going away for awhile on May 21st, do you think you could dogsit Yogi for me?” May 21st roles around and I disappear, and my friends like, “Hey, I’m stuck with his dog … but not only that, he knew I wasn’t a Christian.” Double whammy.
Thankfully, us pet owning Christians have an answer. A group of good hearted atheists have set up a website and for $135, they will come to your house and adopt our animals on May 21nd.
Funny, I just read today that Rob Bell is building a large fenced in area on his property because he plans to adopt like a 100 pets on May 21nd. Hmmmmm.
Random Question #3: I’m starting my thesis paper, gathering my sources, and working on my outline (photo below). The thesis is due on June 26. Should I stop working on my thesis and wait to see what happens on May 21st?
Random Question #4 for any of my Atheist friends: I have a lot of cool stuff, like a PS3, a nice Toyota Rav4 and a cool house. Anybody want them? (NOTE: you must be a confirmed atheist cause I want my stuff to be taken care of properly when I’m gone … oh wait, that’s right all you atheists are totally immoral, so what am I thinking … none of you could take care of any of my stuff properly … without us Christians, you’ll have this whole planet screwed up in days.
Never mind, forget question four.
Random Question #5: If Harold Camping is wrong, then he’s a false prophet … right? If he’s a false prophet, we are commanded to stone him … right? So why didn’t we stone him when he was wrong about Jesus’ return in 1994? Could you imagine all the stress, packing and anxiety we could have saved ourselves?