Learning from You about Miscarriages
I like to think that my blog is all about you. After all, that’s why I write … to challenge, encourage and walk through the shadow of death with you.
This week has been different.
But I didn’t expect anything exceptional to happen here at my blog this week.
On Sunday, I saw that Michelle Duggar lost her child, and on Monday night I wrote down my thoughts. And as of today — since being posted on Tuesday — my post, “Learning from Michelle Duggar” has seen well over 5,000 reads and has inspired numerous woman to write me via email, facebook and on my blog with their personal miscarriage stories.
This week, your stories have blessed me. Your strength. Your grief.
As many of you know, my wife and I have tried for over six year years to conceive and we’ve been unable. And although the adoption process will redeem our present infertility, there’s a grief that comes with infertility. But, thankfully — as hard as infertility has been — ours hasn’t been complicated with miscarriages.
My experience at the funeral has shown me the complicated grief of miscarriages … how overlooked this specific type of grief is by society … how the grief is often silent … how the grief is hardly ever shared with family and friends like “normal” deaths … and how there’s the complication of guilt … of “am I somehow at fault for this death?” of “could I have done anything different” that mixes and turns with the silent grief of miscarriage.
And even though I have some understanding about the DEPTH of grief from miscarriages and stillbirths; I simply had no idea how many woman have experienced the loss of a pregnancy and/or loss of a child.
This is one type of death that we funeral directors have little to no exposure.
Thank you Kelly for sharing your story. And thank you for “Comforting Others With the Comfort (you) Have Received” by starting your ministry, “Sufficient Grace Ministries for Women”. Thank you for making so many resources — literature, miscarriage items, and bereavement support – available to those that visit your website.
Thank you Melaine for sharing about a church support group you attended called “Hannah’s Heart.”
Thank you Matt S. for sharing with me the article, “Helping Others Mourn“, which not provides some of the best advice I’ve every read about how to be a comforter, but — adding authority to the words — was also written by one who’s experienced miscarriage.
Thank you Gina for showing me the small Facebook community called “Remembering Our Angels“.
Thank you Tammy, who shared this incredible program:
Our city developed a burial program through the local hospital…it provides a group burial & service for parents quarterly. Logistically, financially, and even emotionally it is easier to cluster the burials (for the families). Every town should have a program like this … we’ve provided burial for 338 so far.
And thanks to the nearly 50 of you who shared with me how difficult it is to not only miscarry but to have society simply not understand your pain. How hard it is to not only have grief and guilt, but to be told numerous times that miscarriages simply are not worth grieving over.
Thank you for overcoming that lie and embracing your grief.
I thank you for your strength, and encourage you to share your grief. I encourage you to find ways to grieve with your friends and family. To push through the snarky remarks, the misunderstanding from others and be the one who teaches others about the difficulty of miscarriages and stillbirths.
Thank you for teaching me about miscarriages.