Ten Unexplained Mysteries
1. In my mind, death is pretty much a mystery. What happens after death? Do we just cease to exist or does our soul find new real estate? When does our soul find it’s new home? The questions can go on and on ….
Death’s a pretty big mystery … but not as big as the mysteries I’m about to drop on your head.
2. For instance, why can I only eat my cereal with milk? When the milk carton is dried up, why can’t I just be like, “Here’s a nice can of V-8 Juice, I’ll pour that on my Frosted Flakes.” Why does it HAVE to be milk? I can mix my mashed potatoes with my string beans, but I’ll never put water on my Captain Crunch.
3. How is it that every time I see Angelina Jolie on TV she looks thinner? How thin can she get? Will her body just vanish, leaving behind massive eyes and lips? Angie, I think I speak for all of us: EAT MORE!!! You were so much prettier when you wore flesh.
4. Why does my coffee get cold and my iced soda get hot?
5. When will humanity evolve to the place where it’s acceptable to pass flatulence in public? We can drive our stinky cars in public — and
few people frown at our car’s exhaust — but human exhaust … that’s a no-no.
6. Does your hair keep growing after you are dead? I don’t know. You’d think I’d know. And that’s another mystery. Why don’t I know?
7. Why can’t I be black? If the difference between a black dude and a white dude is the amount of melanin in our skin, why can’t a white guy take melanin pills?
Seriously, I think it’s a dermatologist inspired conspiracy to continue the prevalence of skin cancer among the whites.
8. I have moles all over my body. Like hundreds of moles. Probably one per square inch. And yet, there’s not one mole on my forehead. Why is that? Why don’t moles grow on foreheads?
9. Am I the only person who knows that Mitt Romney is an extraterrestrial?
10. If you read my blog, why haven’t you liked my facebook page? You can solve that mystery by clicking here.