Back before Twitter, before Facebook, before Gmail, around the same time that Hotmail was cool, there was this place called the “Myspace.” And on this “Myspace”, it was a common practice for the members of the “Myspace” to answer a litany of random questions and then post one’s answers to said random questions so that all one’s friends could see the answers.
Let’s go back to the age of indestructible Nokia cell phones, to the time when you connected to the internet through dial up, and let’s pretend it’s once again cool to have frosted tips and answer random questions.
One. Are you a death virgin (have you had anyone close to you die?).
Two. When you die, do you want embalming, cremation or other?
Three. Who is your current crush? (Had to throw that one in there for old times’ sake)
Four. If you could choose, would you rather die having sex, or die while saving an old person from drowning?
Five. Would you rather die slowly (so that you could say your “good-byes”) or fast (so that you could have minimal pain)?
Six. Does the most epic way to die necessarily involve Chuck Norris?
Seven. Do you believe in the afterlife?
Eight. On a scale of one to ten (with 10 being the highest), how would you rate your fear of death?
Nine. Should voluntary active euthanasia be legal or illegal?
Ten. Have you ever touched a dead person? If so, how would you describe that experience?
Eleven. If you died today, would you be happy with your life? If no, what would you regret?
Twelve. What do you think is worse: outliving your spouse or outliving your children?
Thirteen. If you could come back as a ghost, who would you haunt?
Fourteen. Worst death ever in a movie?
Fifteen: If you believe in God, do you think he knows the day, hour and minute when you’ll die?
Reach back, grab some nostalgia and answer these question in my comment feed.
In the turbulence that is death, our minds can be tossed about like a ship in the throes of a storm. If not for the ballast of scripture and truths learned from generations before us, we might have been overcome, directionless and lost in the vastness that can be grief.
Some of us have memorized such inspirational quotes.
Others of us have framed them and hung them in places that we see daily.
Maybe it’s the Bible that sits on our bed stand that has the page containing Psalm 23 stained with tears.
The book that we read right after the death of our loved one that touched our very soul … and started the healing process that seemed to be out of reach.
What was the scripture that inspired your faith?
What was the book that helped heal your brokenness?
What was the quote that you read over and over and over?
Let’s make a list …
“God knew the exact day ‘Bob’ was going to die. He knew we’d be sitting here today, mourning ‘Bob’s death. Not only did God know when ‘Bob’ was going to die, but he knows the exact day … the exact hour … and the exact second that you’re going to meet him face to face.”
That’s a pretty bold statement.
I remember when I was young, I would often think to myself, “If God knows when I’m going to die, I wonder if he could tell me?”
He hasn’t told me yet … and I’m rather glad he hasn’t told me if he does indeed know.
I mean, can you imagine?
Can you imagine knowing the day, hour and second you’re doing to die? It might be depressing. Or it could cause us to live life up to the fullest. It could cause us to be the person we’ve always wanted to be, but could never find the motivation.
I think I’d put a countdown clock on my wall, that would display the amount of years, months, days and hours until my “Death Date”. Or maybe I wouldn’t want the clock … that might be rather unnerving.
It would certainly cause me to take out an insurance policy. If I knew I was going to die early, I could take out a huge insurance policy and let my wife live like Angelina Jolie after I die … she could adopt a whole country load of kids and buy that stretch limo HUMMER that she’s always wanted!
Or maybe I’d do everything in my power to beat death. Maybe on that specific day, I’d lock myself up in an atomic bomb shelter. Or maybe, I’d just check myself into a hospital the day before I’m supposed to bite the dust.
If you were sure God told you your death date, would you tell anybody else? I think I’d keep it quiet. For one, nobody would believe that God spoke directly to you … and they’d have an even harder time believing that he told you your date of demise.
Who knows what I’d do?
So, what do you think? Does God know your death date? Below is a little survey you can take.
It’s all anonymous, so even though many people might consider the last two or three options as heretical, if indeed you choose one of those “heretical options”, you’ll still be an anonymous heretic.
And, if you’ve thought about stuff like this before (God’s foreknowledge, etc.) and want to talk about it, I’ll be happy to engage ….
Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.
Here’s a quiz for the brave. I’m not looking for half-hearted people who like to ride the fence with the “oh, it depends on my mood” type answers. I’m looking for those of you who came out of the weekend with your work pants on, ready to bring it on Monday.
You have to answer at least one “verses” question. Lurkers are always welcomed here on normal days, but today is not a normal day. It’s Monday. And it’s quiz day.
Let’s start with some easy warm-ups.
1. The Classic Cartoons: Disney Short Cartoon Classics (Donald Duck, Mickey and Minnie, etc.) vs. Warner Bros. Short Cartoon Classics (Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, Wile E. Coyote).
2. Presidential humor: Barack Obama vs. George Bush. Both have their own types of humor, with one being rather dry and often unintentionally funny (Bushisms) and the other being rather intentional and witty (anybody catch the recent Donald Trump satire?).
3. TGIF Sitcoms: Family Matters vs. Full House. I so had a crush on Stephanie Tanner, but Steve Urkel is possibly a top 10 character in sitcom history with classic lines such as, “Did I do that?” and “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
The warm ups are over. Now, it’s time to put your seat belt on, flip your Chuck Norris sunglasses down and bring it!
4. Late Night Jimmies: Jimmy Kimmel vs. Jimmy Fallon. One Jimmy, two Jimmmy, three Jimmy, four … I don’t know who I love more?
5. Loser Dad Cartoon Characters on Fox: Peter Griffin vs. Homer Simpson. Perpetuating the stupid, lazy dad stereotype for the past couple decades; yet one does it better than the other.
6. Supporting Sitcom Actors: Cosmo Kramer vs. Dwight Schrute. I have Dwightian tendencies, so you’d think I’d like the Schrute. Not so. I thought my idiosyncrasies were original until they became popularized in one Dwight.
7. Causing an Early Death Humor: Three Stooges vs. Jack Ass Crew. Supposedly, Curly met an early grave from one to many knucks to the head … and eventually in Jack Ass 4 or 5 or 6, the stunt escalation is gonna cost somebody.
8. Family Teams: The Wayans (In Living Color, Wayans Brothers and My Wife and Kids) vs. the Farrelly Brothers (Shallow Hal, Dumb and Dumber, There’s Something About Mary).
9. British Humor: Monty Python vs. Mr. Bean. You’d think this is an easy “verses” since M.P. consistently produced sketches that blow SNL’s out of the pond, yet Mr. Bean was no slouch.
WARNING: extremely difficult question approaching.
10. Jewish Comedians (of which there are many, and to make it more difficult, you can only choose one): Jerome Lester Horwitz (Curly Howard from Three Stooges) vs. Sacha Cohen (Borat, Ali-G) vs. Adam Sandler vs. Billy Crystal vs. Woody Allen vs. Mel Brooks vs. Andy Samberg vs. Lewis Black vs. Jerry Seinfeld. Did I miss any? Probably. Because the Jews own Hollywood. But this list is pretty stout. Mozel tov with this question.
EXTRA CREDIT: Leading Ladies Tina Fey vs. ______________ I was thinking about pitting Jane Lynch, Sarah Silverman, Amy Poehler or Anna Farris against Tina, but this one’s a gimme. If you can name someone who rivals her, you automatically win.
OPEN QUESTION FOR EXTRA, EXTRA CREDIT: Best sitcom on TV right now AND best sitcom you watched as a kid.
Here’s my list 1. WB, 2. Obama, 3. Full House, 4. Fallon, 5. Griffin, 6. Kramer, 7. Stooges, 8. Farrelly Bros, 9. Rock and 10., Sacha Cohen. EC. Don’t have answer. E.C.2. 30 Rock and Home Improvements.
When I was a kid if I felt inadequate, I’d usually tear up. I’m not really the angry type. I have to be provoked to anger and usually the only way I’m provoked is when somebody close to me gets hurt … then I go all German Shepherd. Otherwise, I’m more like a quiet Labrador.
In elementary school, if I was cruelly left out, instead of punching the kid in the face, or simply walking away, I’d do the thing that really earns points with the male sex … I’d cry. If I got bad grades … my eyes would well up and I’d sniffle and try and hold back the tears.
I’ve grown out of crying, cause I’m all manly now. But there are a few things that can still bring out the boy in me:
Math and science. Left handed + right minded ≠good math skillz.
Dancing. I’m awful at dancing. No joke. The last time I felt tears produced by frustration was when I took dance lessons a couple years ago. The dancing instructor focused on my suckiness and tried to help me, but it only made things worse.
The Funeral Business. I have all this pedigree (being that I have 10 generations of funeral directors in my blood), but being the introvert that I am, I always feel super insecure because the funeral business is a field for extroverts. I question myself a couple times a week, thinking, “Why are you a funeral director?”
And lastly, Mondays. At this very moment, I’m crying … on the inside.
If you’re tough enough, what are the things and/or people that make you feel small?