Archive for year 2014
Stupid Adultery Death Joke
It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.
St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from.”
St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. “Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. “OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”
New Gallop Poll: Seven in Ten Americans Support Euthanasia
10 Famous Last Words
One. The almost final words of the British novelist, Roald Dahl, were “You know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much” to his family. After appearing to fall unconscious the nurse then injected him with morphine to ease his passing and he said his actual last words: “Ow, f***!” – Source
Two. Tennessee whisky distiller, Jack Daniel’s last words were “One last drink, please”.
Three. In 1954, a Japanese trawler was caught in the fallout of the Castle Bravo nuclear test, killing its radioman. His last words were “I pray that I am the last victim of an atomic or hydrogen bomb.” – Source
Four. The last words of Alex the Parrot to his caretaker was “You be good, see you tomorrow, I love you”. –Source
Five. ‘I’m sorry to have troubled you chaps’ were Ian Fleming’s (James Bond’s creator) last words to the EMTs tending to him during his heart attack. – Source
Six. Labor Activist, Joe Hill was executed by firing squad on November 19, 1915, and his last word was “Fire!” – Source
Seven. Oscar Wilde’s reputed last words were, “Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.” – Source
Eight. George Washington had a fear of being buried alive. Even in his last words, he ordered his staff to wait two days after his death to bury his body. – Source
Nine. The first Darwin Award Nominee was a student who dressed as Dracula for Halloween. He positioned a pine board down his shirt so he could “realistically” kill himself. He used a sharp blade, which split the wood and killed him. His last words were “I really did it!” as he staggered from his room. – Source
Ten. Bob Marley’s last words (to his son Ziggy) were “Money can’t buy life”. – Source
These last words were taken from the post, “30 Kickass and Iconic Last Words.” To read more last words, click HERE.
