Caleb Wilde
(218 comments, 980 posts)
Posts by Caleb Wilde
The Suicide Song I Wrote Back in 2004
This song is not meant to condone suicide. Rather, it is an attempt to empathize with those who struggle with suicidal thoughts, feeling and actions.
I wrote and sang this song back in 2004 for a class project in my funeral service program. There’s a video that goes along with it (and was a rad amateur vid for 2004), but the video is rather violent. Be forewarned that it not only contains violence, but it also has a number of heavy curse words. If you wish to bypass the video, you can just play the audio via SoundCloud.
The idea of the song is that some people’s lives are so messed up that they hope there’s a place where there is no existence. It was inspired by a friend of mine in high school, who was abused as a child and used drugs to blunt the pain. He was also raised in a Christian family and believed that his actions warranted hell.
His hope was that he could die and there would be neither heaven or hell, but simply nothing … a place where he can’t feel pain, hurt or even happiness.
The song itself starts at the 1 minute, 51 second mark.
Suicide Video from Caleb Wilde on Vimeo.
Ten Things We Use When Embalming
Some of these photos may be disturbing. All of these photos have been sourced either from the internet.
1. This is a needle injector, which is effectively used for mouth closure. We use this to set the features before we embalm. Once the mouth and eyes are closed (see number 2), then we can think about starting arterial embalming. 
The needles are the shiny silver things attached to the shiny gold things (we only use two at a time):
One needle is anchored into the maxilla and another needle is anchored into the mandible. The wires that are attached to the needles are then twisted together until the mouth is “cranked” shut.
2. These round spiked spheres are called “eye caps”. They are placed under the eye lids and essentially grab the eyelids and hold them in place, keeping the eyes closed.
You can also use these as very small Frisbees.
3. These are examples of the scalpels that we use for embalming. They are sharp.
Many embalmers use the right carotid artery for embalming and the jugular vein for drainage of the blood. We use the scalpel to cut the neck and find said artery and vein.
The scalpels can also be used to cut other things, like steak and pork. But, it’s probably not good to use a used embalming scalpel on your steak. That’s an amateur move.
4. This is an Aneurysm hook.
We use this little guy to raise the artery and the vein out of the neck.
5. The arterial tube gets slipped into the incised artery.
6. Embalming Machine (Drum roll please)
That black rubber tube gets placed onto the arterial tube and the embalming fluid is pumped into the arterial system.
You can also use embalming machines for various other interests. Like a fish tank / plant holder. Or a punch bowl.
7. The drainage tube is slid into the jugular vein. When the embalming machine forces the embalming fluid into the arterial system, that fluid forces the blood out via the veins and the drainage tube.
Via http://www.deep-six.com/deathweb/page221.htm
8. Arterial embalming only reaches the parts of the body that are connected to the arterial system. The intestines, stomach, lungs, etc. are left relatively untouched. We then remove all the content of the stomach, lungs, etc. through a long needle like suction thingy called a “trocar”.
9. After the stomach, lungs, etc have been cleaned out, we then inject cavity fluid. After that has been done, we screw in a trocar button in the hole left by the trocar.
10. Finally, during this whole process, we use gloves. I prefer my latex gloves in the “Fierce Beige” color because it matches my personality.
The Green Burial of Lorrie Otto
Lorrie Otto
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that I believe in Green Burial for both sustainability and philosophical reasons.
One of the philosophical reasons is that it allows family and friends to touch death more intimately by taking the funeral and burial responsibility away from the “professionals” (me) and placing those responsibilities in the hands of the bereaved.
Most of us have an imaginative or experiential idea of what a “traditional” burial looks like; but few of us have a mental image of what a green burial looks like. The following eight photos are of Lorrie Otto’s green burial. Lorrie was an environmentalist in life and death. These photos are reposted with the permission of the Green Burial Council.
Photo credit: Brian Flowers and the Meadow Natural Burial Ground at Greenacres in Ferndale, Washington
Father asks internet to edit this photo of his late baby daughter
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Reddit, it is a very active community-run social network. Users submit content and other users interact with said content.
On Sunday, a father asked this of the Reddit community: 
Here is the original photo:
Here is Reddit’s beautiful response:
Mr Steffel concluded (the father): “I just wanted a picture and what I received was a lot of wonderful drawings and pictures. I couldn’t be happier.”
Ten Reasons to Date a Funeral Director
Today’s guest post is by Lelial Thibodeau:
10. A funeral director knows how to stretch a dollar so far beyond capacity that extreme couponers would be seething with envy.
9. Funeral directors can get any stain out of any fabric.
8. Funeral directors understand the importance of paperwork. In triplicate. And filling it out is just par for the course. Tax season doesn’t compare to corporate budgetary reviews.
7. A funeral director is meticulously clean. From an unwelcome speck of dust on the end table to a mortifying bit of grit underneath near-perfectly manicured nails (this applies to the women and the men).
6. Have you ever not introduced a current flame to your family because you’re afraid your kin’s special brand of crazy will scare off any potential mate?
A funeral director is like a “crazy person whisperer.” They have to be just to get anything done. Bring on the monster in-laws.
5. A funeral director can’t be grossed out. Ever. There is literally nothing you could show one that would churn the contents of his stomach. This applies to noxious odours as well, so snag yourself a funeral director and feel at ease passing gas whenever the urge hits. They’ve smelled worse.
A lot worse.
4. Funeral directors are masters of illusion. Need to impress your boss at a dinner party? Stage your home for sale? Conceal something from your parents until you’re ready to deal, or the issue has been resolved? A funeral director thrives under one credo: Smoke and mirrors.
3. A funeral director understands how important it is to live for today, but plan meticulously for the future.
2. A funeral director is an expert at burying secrets. Yours are not as bad as you think they are, and the funeral director’s training ensures that your skeletons not only stay in their closet, but that the closet is sealed in a concrete vault under 8 feet of dirt and the paperwork has been properly “sanitized.”
1. A funeral director knows how to give you a delicious, full-body, invigorating massage that gets your circulation working overtime and leaves you feeling, well, like you’ve risen from the dead. How did we acquire this particular skill?
Don’t ask.
*****
Visit Lelial’s blog HERE
