My Songs and Videos
Wishing For a Place Where I Don’t Exist
I wrote and sang this song back in 2004 for a class in my funeral service program. There’s a video that goes along with it (and was a rad amateur vid for 2004), but the video is rather violent. You can view it here if you wish, but be forewarned that it not only contains violence, but it also has a number of heavy curse words.
The idea of the song is that some people’s lives are so messed up that they hope there’s a place where there is no existence. It was inspired by a friend of mine in high school, who was abused as a child and used drugs to blunt the pain. He was also raised in a Christian family and believed that his actions warranted hell.
His hope was that he could die and there would be neither heaven or hell, but simply nothing … a place where he can’t feel pain, hurt or even happiness. If there is nothing after death, and life is full of pain … for many suicide is the only respite they can imagine. And while I don’t know what happened to my friend, I hope he found life offered in Jesus.
The song itself starts at the 1 minute, 51 second mark.
You may be saying to yourself, “I didn’t know Caleb can sing?” Well, Caleb can’t sing, but he has written a number of songs, none of which are good enough for the radio, but since this blog is a suck blog, this song happens to be good enough here. I’m such a self-promoter, that if I had written the old Barney Song (“I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family”), I would’ve probably posted it on this blog. And now that I put that God-awful PBS sponsored song in your head, you have to get it out by listening to this lovely song. This is one on suicide. I wrote it for an assignment in funeral school, and I actually wrote it during a funeral Mass.
>I wrote this song back in the day. I never like listening to myself sing because I’ve never felt very confident with my voice, but the thoughts I share in this song mean something to me. I’ve always been struck with how easily I believe that God can move mountains, but have always found it hard to believe he can change the valleys in my own life.